Place 4 My Head
by Erom Reven
Summary: Join a sarcastic 17 year old Timmy Turner as he deals with neglectful parents, evil voices in his head, and a evil babysitter that might not be as inhuman as he once believed.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Fairly Odd Parents. All characters belong to Nickelodeon and its associates. I recommend this story for older teenagers, as this story will contain strong language, violence, and other things that are probably going to make this story get bumped to M.

"Normal Speech"

Text

_"Timmy's thoughts"_

**"Nega-Timmy speech"**

**Sounds**

_**"Nega-Timmy Thoughts"**_

* * *

**-start here-**

_My name is Timothy Thomas Turner. Most people call me Timmy, though. I have brown hair, blue eyes, and bucked teeth. My favorite colors are pink and green, though I can't exactly wear pink without incurring the wrath of high school bullies, like Francis._

_Green shirts and black jeans are my staple clothing. My shirts range from just plain green t-shirts, green designer t-shirts, a zip-up hoodie... I'm sure you get the picture._

_Anyway, I started writing this because I have a deep, dark secret. I have fairy godparents._

_Seriously; I'm not a crackpot like Crocker is. I'm telling the honest to God truth. Their names are Cosmo and Wanda. Cosmo has green hair. He's my fairy godfather. He's a bit of an idiot, but he can come through in a pinch. As moronic as he is, there are a few times where he has an amazing ability to help me out of any bad time with some incredible power and a lot of luck._

_Wanda's my fairy godmother. She has pink hair that curls into a ball. Out of the two, she's definitely the smart one, but she can be a rather big nag. The two of them had a child, named Poof. He's my godbrother. He's an incredible kid with the best of both of his parent's traits: incredible power from Cosmo, and his mother's brains. He's currently enrolled in the Fairy Academy, where a fairy named Jorgen Von Strangle has taken a personal interest in training him. _

_It wouldn't surprise me in the least to one day find that Poof becomes the leader of Fairy World. Right now, though, he's just a kid. He still looks up to me as a big brother, and he visits sometimes._

_But back to Cosmo and Wanda, the two have been with me for almost 7 years. I'm holding a record when it comes to godchildren. It's been great. I even have the Fairy-versary muffins from the past 6 years Stored safely away so as to not cause trouble. I've made some dumb wishes. I've made an evil imaginary friend named Gary, caused my former teacher Mr. Crocker's life to be ruined when I went back in time, and I have indirectly caused the world be conquered by monkeys, the aforementioned teacher, and my evil babysitter, Vicky. I fixed those problems, though, with luck and a good bit of magic. I did make one wish that scared me, still scares me today. It started off nice and well, like any wish I made back in the day. I wished to do the exact opposite of what my parents said, where I got cake instead of bran cereal and things like that. However, things changed when I had started off for school, heading out the door to the bus. My father, in a surprise move inspired by paternal love, I guess, made a huge mistake: telling me to be good._

_Instantly, my hair turned black, my old pink hat became a black top hat (a rather awesome one, to be honest) and my eyes became an unnatural red, and my buck teeth shrunk while my canines grew into vampiric fangs._

_I almost destroyed the world that day._

_It was luck that made me become good again, but evil, I've found always leaves its mark. It wasn't so bad at first, but as I grew older it became worse. Every time that I would make a wish, I would hear a dark whisper. It gets louder every day, it seems._

_I've done a good job fighting it off, in my own opinion._

-scene change-

-Sunday, July 1st-

"Timmy, I've got great news!" my mom shouted, barging into my sanctuary and waking me up.

"Huh?" I said, ever so smartly. It came out more as a grunt than anything, but it didn't deter my mother from anything. Obviously not noticing my discomfort at the rude awakening, she continued with her great news, which I was about to learn was not so great.

"Your father and I won tickets for a 2 month cruise!" How was anyone ever this peppy this early in the damn morning? Unable to resist, perhaps because I wasn't fully awake and aware of my own actions, my answer was laced with sarcasm.

"Let me guess. You only have two, and you're leaving me here by myself for two months?" I asked, a bitter tone edging my voice. I mean, seriously, this wasn't new. They would go on couples retreats and claim that they were going to be business trips, or they would go on beach trips or to fancy casinos… the list grows every few weeks.

"Wrong! There are two tickets for me and your father, but Vicky's coming to baby-sit you!" the mother figure in my life said.

I swear, at the mentioning of Icky with a V, my room had gotten at least 30 degrees colder.

"Come on, mom! I'm seventeen! I don't need a babysitter!" I said, barely containing my fear. Sure, I was probably bigger than Vicky now, but she was definitely meaner than I was.

"_**If you just let me out, we could show the world that we are much more evil**__,"_ said a dark voice in the back of my head.

For those of you that don't realize it yet, that dark voice is my dark side. Call him Nega-Timmy.

"_**Who do you keep talking to, boy?"**_

"_The other voices in my head, now shut up."_ Coming out of my inner argument, my mom continued, completely unaware that at this time I was currently bitching at the psycho crazy voice in my head. But then, most people are unaware of this. It's not like I tell people: "Hi, I'm Timmy Turner and I have a voice in the back of my head that tells me to do horrible things like kick puppies and hide all the tv remotes in an apartment complex while clubbing baby seals."

That'd be crazy.

Back to my mother:

"Yes, you're seventeen, but I don't think it's safe leaving you alone for two months unsupervised. She's not so much of a babysitter as she is here to make sure there's nothing to go wrong. I wasn't born yesterday. I mean, back when I was seventeen…"

I cut my mom off with a wave. I've become a smart ass, and I've had my own experiences with females that I wouldn't share with my mom. But still, to hear what one's mom did as a teenager…

"Mom, I really, really don't want to know what you to finish that sentence. "

She laughed at my embarrassment, and continued again.

"She's a nice young lady that's taken care of you since you were a child. It's not like she'd control you and make you do mindless and often demeaning chores."

I resisted the urge to laugh at her naiveté, knowing the truth and dreading what was coming.

"_Bullshit. On both counts."_

"_**Agreed."**_

-scene change-

Normally, I love Sundays, and especially Sundays that preceded Summer Break. However, this wasn't one of those times. Just the mere thought of having to spend two months with Vicky left me forcing bile from rising up my throat, and it took a lot to keep me from actually vomiting.

I sat there quietly in the living room, not really paying attention to the TV or my parents moving luggage to the front door. Vicky would be here at about noon, so I had about a half hour of freedom left. My mind was quiet (which was odd, because Nega made sure that something was going on in there at all times) until my parents had just about finished packing.

"_**And so the fun begins!**_**"**

"_What are you talking about now?"_

"_**The babysitter woman approaches."**_

"_And why is that fun, exactly? She's a witch. You know it, I know it, and we're going to be miserable."_

"**You're going to be miserable. I grow on your misery and pain. Remember? I'm the incarnation of all of your base emotions. Good ol' lust, wrath and all of that good stuff."**

"_So… basically, two months of Vicky based misery is going to make you a bigger nuisance? Oh joy of joys. Guess I'll have to see if I can get Jorgen or Poof to try and tighten the magic seal around you again. I wonder if they can give you a little voice in your head?"_

The argument continued on, with both of us talking crap about the other. Nega, on his best days, was a minor annoyance that I could associate with and actually talk to. It was halted abruptly by a sign that rang through my mind like funeral bells.

**DING DONG**

My father opened the door to hell, otherwise known as…

"_**Hello, baby…"**_

I resisted the urge to slap my own forehead out of embarrassment at Nega's thoughts (which, I guess are my own). As he mentioned earlier, Nega is the side of my personality where all of my baser emotions are personified, and in this case, it was lust that he was embodying. These damn hormones and the damn evil consciousness did not help my psyche at the moment. I wondered darkly if I could maybe ever find a therapist that wouldn't throw me into the crazy house, to which my dark side replied to with a chipper_** "No!"**_

I turned my head towards the entrance to my house, ignoring all of the perverted images that Nega was sending through my mind. Vicky looked almost the same as I remember. I hadn't seen her in almost a year. Her hair had grown back, after she had cut it to her shoulders last summer after a bad breakup.

"Timmy! Come out here and get Vicky's luggage," my dad ordered.

Vicky looked at me as she came inside the living room, not saying a word.

I brushed past her, ignoring the commands given to me by my evil side commanding me to say something to her, and trying to have my way with the evil redhead.

"_You horny bastard."_

"_**You say it like it's a bad thing."**_

-scene change-

A few years back, when I was 12, my parents started to go away for entire weekends at a time. In order to have a person to dump their kid on, they made some kind of contract with Vicky, naming her my legal guardian whenever they were outside a 50 mile radius of me, going so far as to add a guest room to our house for her to stay in.

I took her luggage up to her room, barely resisting the urge to destroy the container of clothing. Sad as it is to say, the anger was more me than it was Nega.

"Bye Timmy, we love you, see you in two months!" they called up the stairs, not even bothering to say it face to face. I love them so _very very _much. Ugh. I swear those two don't care about me. It's nerve wrecking. The sheer neglect is probably just adding on to my lack of sanity, probably as much or more than evil voices in the back of my head.

"_**Hey! I'm in the front of your head! Get it straight, idiot."**_

I heard the car start and pull of the driveway. Hearing it felt like someone slowly ran me through with a katana or something; A rusty butter knife. Something.

"Twerp! Get down here!" my babysitter shouted.

I sighed and made my descent to the living room and into the inferno.

-scene change-

The first horror Vicky inflicted on me was a hug, and to make it worse for my teenaged mind, she was squeezing me against her breasts. A light blush forced its way to my face, but I made it disappear.

Fuckin' hormones. I was almost enjoying it, and Nega was near humming in joy.

"Timmy! I missed you!" Vicky said. I immediately pushed her off.

"Bleh, you can cut the crap. The 'rents are gone now. "

The sickly sweet smile that she had disappeared and a more Vicky-esque sneer replaced it.

"Well, I did miss having a little slave boy to do my bidding." She laughed at her own wickedness, and I sighed, dreading what seemed to me like an already impossibly long summer break. I guess it was better than school, though.

I hated school. At elementary school, things were alright, but when it comes to high school... teachers are nothing more than biased nobodies who side with the preps, jocks, and prep-nerds. You know, the smart and popular kids?"

But when it comes to the poor kids, the band nerds, the chorus, and the kids who just do alright...

Fuck them. Who needs them?

Looking back at my babysitter, she seemed to expect something. I shrugged.

"Your room's ready." I rasped out. She patted my head like a child, and went up the stairs, turning around and saying two words.

"Good boy."

I watched her continue up the stairs, and as soon as I heard the door shut, I ran my fingers through my hair, setting it back right.

I went straight out the door and didn't look back.

-scene change-

Dimmsdale Park was a tranquil place.

Most people my age hang with their friends and their loving girlfriends and boyfriends.

I have four friends, three of which are magical people who'll disappear when I lose my status as a minor, and I won't even remember them, and when that happens, I don't know what will happen to Mark Chang, my other friend. Since we met because of a wish, he would probably end up back on Yugopotamia. I wondered what would happen then. Would he keep all of the knowledge of his time on Earth? Or would he and his home planet revert to what they had been? The Yugopotamians were almost tolerable now, after many interactions with myself and the human-influenced crown prince. They were good people for aliens, if a little crazy. But, honestly, me saying anyone crazy is a case of a black hole calling a kettle black.

So much for friends for life. I dreaded the time where I'd lose my friends, because my old ones weren't exactly my friends anymore.

It was Sanjay who left first. His step father sent him to military school when he told his parents he was gay. We had known for a while before he told anybody else, and we stuck by him.

Elmer moved away. He had his boil surgically removed, though.

For a while, it was me, Chester, and AJ. And then high school hit.

Chester is a now diehard redneck, and won't even be seen talking to any of his old friends. As far as I know, he's drinking heavily and smoking as much. I'm pretty sure most of his crew is also into light recreational drugs, but hey, who isn't in high school? Well, other than me. Wanda would never let me hear the end of it, and Poof would probably beat me half to death with his magic kung fu skills.

I still hadn't figured out where he had gotten those, unless my wish for kung fu had somehow transferred to him when he was born.

AJ's really about the only one I ever talk to anymore, and even that is a rarity. He's more focused on his grades now (if that were possible, after all, the guy's the only person in the world with an A+++), and is also dating the smartest girl at school.

That left me alone.

I went over to the tree I normally sat at, and climbed up it to get my hidden sketch pad and pencil kit. I jumped back down and sat, taking a deep breath. When I lost my friends, I needed a hobby to fill the void. Cosmo and Wanda could only do so much for me, and Nega wasn't an actual presence in my head until well into my freshman year of high school. So, I ended up falling in love with the visual arts. I'm an incredibly skilled sketch artist, humility be damned, with a talent for coloration as well.

My hand moved freely of my mind, a living creature of its own free will, my imagination flowing into it like blood into a heart. The day darkened into twilight with a heavy cloud cover, and when I was done, a perfect picture of Vicky walking up the stairs of my house decorated my formerly blank page.

Drawing was the one thing that could keep my mind off of other things, like Nega. Avoiding the problems that he caused in a way made him my creative muse.

"_**I'm flattered, runt."**_ the dark voice boomed through my head like a drum, knocking me out of my trance.

I frowned.

"_Shut up."_

I stood up, and looked up at the sky. It seemed it was going to rain tonight, if not storm. A distant rumble of thunder confirmed my suspicions as I ran home, holding my sketchbook in one hand and pencils in the other.

-scene change-

I walked in the door slightly wet. The storm had started earlier than I thought as a light drizzle. Vicky sat there on the couch, flipping channels at random, and looking fairly bored with life.

"Where have you been?" Vicky asked, unconcerned. I guess that even evil babysitters ask the standard questions.

"The park, did ya miss me?" I replied with a slight grin with a tone laced in sarcasm.

"Like one would miss the stomach flu. What were you doing?"

I sighed. Two questions in, and I was getting frustrated. See, now that I was older, Vicky abused me less, but often teased me more or finding other ways to get under my skin, like asking too many questions. The last few years of solitude had made me something of a private person and I didn't really like people getting into my business.

She continued on, grinning like a cat.

"Was it a girlfriend?"

Any happy feeling I had left, and I replied in a much more bitter tone.

"After your sister dumped me? I don't date anyone at the moment," I answered. Backstabbing little...

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to control my temper, hoping that it was enough to keep Nega from getting any more annoying. Unsurprisingly, the dark entity started replaying the moment that I had caught her making out with one of Chester's goonies.

I barely managed to suppress it before noticing that Vicky looked at me with an actual look of pity.

"Yeah, I can't believe she did what she did. I actually felt sorry for you, twerp."

See, while Vicky had her moments where she was a complete evil bitch, she had mellowed out some, not much, but enough to where she wasn't a complete monster.

"Well, hey, what's past is past. She cheated, dumped me, and now I have a lot more free weekends," I said, trying to not let it show that I was still bothered by what happened between us.

She thankfully noticed that I was uncomfortable, and while she seemed to debate whether to torment me or to change the subject, decided to have mercy on my poor self esteem. The redhead looked at my hands, and noticed my sketchbook. She and Tootie were the only ones who knew about my hobby, because Tootie had modeled for me a few times, and Vicky had caught us once, much to our embarrassment and her sinister joy.

"So is that a new sketchbook? May I see it, Timmy?" she asked sincerely.

Caught off guard by the sweet tone in her voice, I handed it to her.

She flipped through, actually admiring some of the work. She eventually got to the last page of drawings and grinned her cat grin.

"So you drew me, huh?" the red haired woman asked.

"No, Vicky, it's another redhead with cantaloupes for boobs." I said sarcastically, trying to hide the slight embarrassment I felt. She looked somewhat flattered, which actually made me feel a bit better about the Tootie related discussion we had just had.

"You're very good. You had about a few seconds to memorize my facial expression, and it looks like I'm saying something as I'm going up." she commented, studying the picture.

"I suppose so." I said, bored already. Just because I had grown up some, doesn't mean I ever developed a longer attention span. Only drawing got my attention.

I took the sketchbook back when she handed it back to me, and I carried it to my room like it was made of weak glass. I returned down the stairs and sat on the couch beside Vicky, absorbing myself into the TV. I failed to notice how every time the thunder clapped, she inched closer to me, as the storm got closer.

Lightning began to flash and the thunder was loud and heavy.

The power flickered off for a few seconds, and went back on to let me see Vicky almost on top of me.

I looked at her expectantly.

She noticed the glance I made, and responded rather heatedly, "I don't like bad storms."

"Even though there's usually one when you come over?"

She frowned, and got off of me.

"So, how's the office administrator business?"I asked, hoping to pass the time.

Vicky had since graduated college and was currently working at Dimmsdale Primary School in the administrative side. I had a feeling that Vicky really enjoyed the fact that most of the time she saw kids was when they were miserably coming to see the principal for discipline.

"It's like high school, only more expensive and the teachers are allowed to be real adults."She said, frowning a bit.

"What's that mean?"

She laughed, shaking her head.

"Come on, do you really think teachers are all happy go lucky? The second that their kids disappear, teachers become assholes. Hell, half the things they say would probably get them fired if they didn't all act like that. I'm actually one of the nicer people at that school."

I raised an eyebrow, and laughed.

"Yeah, that is sad. I always suspected that they sucked, but I guess having an insider admit it makes it official."

The babysitter nodded, and we went back to watching tv.

Was it just me, or was Vicky different? She seemed… well, nice wasn't the word. Different? Human, actually. Had she changed? Had I? It's been almost 2 years since we had really been around each other with no one else around. This was the first time she had actually been here since Tootie had dumped me a few months ago. Something was different.

Thunder cracked, lightning flashed, and Vicky jumped again.

-scene change-

I sat on my bed, listening to the dying storm become a light falling of rain.

Who was Vicky, really?

My whole life, it had been an almost constant hateful relationship with Vicky. Something had mellowed her out, made her into a different person.

She seemed more human today than she had ever been, and that scared me.

What happened in her life that made her become like this?

Or worse: What had made me into the person that could relate to a woman that had chased me with a medieval flail at one time?

I wanted to ask my fairy godparents about this, but they had been at a meeting today. Ever since Jorgen had taken in Poof as an apprentice, he's become different. Just as tough, just as destructive, but his way of conducting business had become very... professional. He even called meetings once a month. Poof probably nagged him to death.

I stared at my ceiling, expecting the answers to fall out of the sky.

The only thing I got in return was silence and distant thunder.

-End Chapter 1-


End file.
